Foot in Mouth Syndrome
by XSuicuneX
Summary: It's another late night at the Library, and Soul and Maka are working on a project together. Trouble is, a couple 'other' groups of people are looking to work on 'projects' of their own. Not too dirty, just inconvenient. Maka/Soul, Kid/Liz/Patty


**I expected my first Soul Eater fic to be one with Liz/Kid/Patty, my OT3...buuuuuut then I dreamed this up. Yes. I dreamed up this plot. Literally. It's kinda amusing actually (And Sid was supposed to be there at the start, and it was daytime as opposed to nighttime) However changes were made for the sake of having this fic make _sense_. **

**It's pretty heavy Maka/Soul, but it's just as heavy Kid/Liz/Patty (Changing up their names is fuuuuun) Not to mention a bit of hints at Spirit/random women (plus a surprise) but otherwise it mainly focuses on Soul/Maka. Because that's how they roll. (Black*Star makes a brief cameo mention because if I didnt' add him in there SOMEWHERE he wouldn't stop bothering me. Right. I'm not crazy I swear.)**

**Nothing dirty in there, just hints at dirtyness. The dirty will come soon enough though.**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Soul Eater, and technically I don't own this plot either. My subconscious does. Fer realz.**

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"Maka, why did you have to drag _me _to the library with you?" A highly irritated and bored looking Soul complained to his meister. Maka had dragged him from his nice, comfortable perch on the couch at eleven at night, and for what, a research project? One that was due next week?

Some days he wondered if any of his work to drag her out of the books was having an effect.

"Soul, don't complain! This is for another project that Sid-sensei wants us to handle. Don't you remember?"

"Since when have I ever payed attention to what the teachers ask us to do? And why do I have to come with you again?"

Maka gave a frustrated huff and turned to face her Death Scythe. "Because I need you to work with me on this one! It'll be easier for us to perfect this technique if the both of us understand the-"

She was interrupted by a tinkly laugh, followed by some murmurs in one of the adjacent aisles

Maka and Soul froze, there weren't that many people in the library at this time of night. (Hence why Soul was so adamant against being there when he could be happy and lazy in their house) So they hadn't exactly expected to be hearing...things.

Then again, in hindsight, Soul figured that if you were gonna do it in a library, it might as well be when there weren't too many people around.

Of course, this didnt' exactly help the temper of his bookworm and way too serious of a partner

"Jeez, can't they find a more private area for their affairs?" She was flushed a bit, but Soul took that to mean she was irritated as opposed to what his perverted mind wanted to take it as.

"Come on Maka, let's leave them to their-"

"Oh Death scythe-sama~"

Well, of all the people who were getting it on in the library, it had to be Spirit, Maka's father. Soul figured it was best to drag her away before some spontaneous father-daughter shouting fest (On Maka's part at least) occurred.

Of course, she didn't put up much of a fight as he dragged her away, in fact, she seemed to be more sullen then angry.

"Maka?" Soul ever so cautiously put an arm around her shoulders, keeping an eye out for any books in the petite girl's hand.

Fortunately it didn't seem like she was in a mood to inflict bodily harm. She sighed and looked up at him, sad green meeting crimson. "I don't understand Papa sometimes. He says he loves me and Mama, but he keeps doing things like that. Who in their right mind willingly goes out of their way to hurt the people they claim to love?"

Soul hesitated, unsure of how to respond, but before he could even get a word out, another low groan uttered from only a few feet in front of them.

"K-kid..."

Both weapon and meister froze, slowly turning to look in front of them, where a scene that likely would've been perfectly in line with a professional porno greeted them.

Death the Kid, shinigami's son and heir, was on one of the tables doing 'things' to his demon guns.

Soul and Maka promptly turned around and quietly fled the scene.

They were silent for a few seconds, Maka with an adorable flush on her face. Soul glanced at her, then chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Eh? Oh, well...heh, just thinking. Kid's a pretty lucky guy."

She gave him a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

He crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back. "Well, he's got a couple of pretty hot babes there. Those Thomsons..." He grinned. "I can think of plenty of guys who'd wanna be in his position."

Soul wasn't looking, so he missed the rather pissed off and jealous expression his meister was making at the moment. "Oh? Well, I'm sure your rather envious of him then, right?"

For being a musician, Soul had an awful tendency not to read into people's tones. He laughed and gave Maka a smirk. "Well, it's not like I've got a busty blonde for a partner myself." Too late, he noticed Maka's expression, and the damage was already done.

"Maka chop!" Down came the book, and on came the resulting headache.

"W-what the hell Maka!"

"If you want a blonde bimbo so bad, why don't you go and be their partner instead!"

"Calm down for shinigami's sake!"

"Would you two cease shouti-Oh! Maka, Soul...is there something wrong?" Death the Kid appeared next to them, the only sign of his previous activities being his slightly mussed up hair, as there was likely no mirror for him to properly straighten it. The Thomsons were behind him, both looking like they actually had gotten 'personal' with their meister, unlike Kid who's hair only looked windblown.

Maka gave the shinigami a glare, making Soul flinch reflexively. "No, nothing's wrong. Everything is just peachy." With that she turned around and stormed off, pointedly not looking in Soul's direction.

"Oh brother." Liz Thomson put a hand on her forehead, her sister, Patty, giggling quietly beside her. "You two are the most melodramatic pair ever. Kid, I'm going to talk to her." She gave the Death God a quick peck on the cheek before rushing off after the petite bookworm.

Kid sighed and turned to his younger pistol. "Patty, I believe I spotted some books on giraffes in the biology section a few aisles back. Why don't you go and look at them?"

"Okay Kiddo-tan! Giraffe, giraffe~" Patty giggled and danced off in the direction of the biology section, singing quietly along the way.

Soul shook his head in awe. "I really don't know how you can handle being intimate with her without feeling like a pedophile. Isn't it weird?"

The Shinigami shot him a pointed glare. "Patty wasn't able to have what others would call a 'normal' childhood, her and Liz had to grow up before they were ready. She's not a _baby_ Soul, she's just making up for lost time." Kid's glare seemed to challenge Soul to contradict his statement, and Soul figured it would be in his best interest to drop the subject.

Soul wondered when Kid had become so protective of the Sisters, he wasn't like this before Noah had taken him captive. Then again, it was right after they had performed the rescue mission that Kid started becoming...well..._closer_ to both guns. Granted, it hadn't been blatantly obvious, but there were times when either of the trio would go out of their way to lay claim on one of the other two. Soul could still remember the day Black*Star had barged into his room and shouted in his ear that 'Kid, Liz and Patty are totally getting it on!' to which he then proceeded to describe how he had managed to come across such a fact, up to and including the way he had acquired various bruises from when the Thomson's and Kid had proceeded to beat him up for stalking them.

He hadn't expected Black*Star of all people to be a gossip.

Having decided that 88 seconds of glare time was enough for Soul, Kid chose to drop the subject as well. "So," He began. "What did you do to make Maka angry at you this time?"

That snapped Soul out of his pondering. "What? Oh, her? She's just being irritating." He clenched his shark like teeth at the memory of their last argument. Really, did Maka have to overreact to _everything_?

Kid arched his brow at Soul and gave him an unimpressed look. "And this tells me what set her off...how?"

Soul cringed and huffed. "I guess I kinda hinted at her less then 'busty' figure again."

Both the Shinigami's brows rose this time (which was probably due to his remembering that arching one brow was unsymmetrical) "...why?"

Soul flushed as he recalled the 'scene' he and Maka had witnessed before arguing, that being Kid getting personal with his weapons. "Ah, well, uh...just that...commenting on how certain meisters are pretty lucky to have the partners they've got..." He prided himself on keeping his voice as composed as possible, not breaking his 'cool' exterior.

Kid looked unimpressed. "Right. So you insulted the size of her breasts again." The expression Kid was giving Soul practically screamed 'idiot'. Soul attempted to glare back, before nodding and sighing dejectedly. "Yeah...yeah...I did."

The shinigami shook his head. "That really is no way to get into a girl's heart, constantly claiming that other woman's looks are superior to theirs."

The death scythe growled at him and snapped. "Oh yeah? Who're you to talk Mr. 'Symmetry'? Weren't you the one constantly complaining about Liz and Patty's looks?"

Kid stared at him again before moving forward and starting to 'sort' one of the bookshelves. Soul ignored this process like all of Kid's friends learned to ignore his 'habits'.

"While that may be true, when the both of them were alone I told them repeatedly that they were beautiful women. Plus, when I complained, I was comparing them to Symmetry, not another woman."

Soul was a bit surprised to hear that Kid had been complimenting the Thomsons even before he hooked up with them, but he ignored this detail and proceeded to scoff. "Bullshit. You were comparing them to each other, that's comparing them to another woman."

Kid's eyebrows rose. "Ah, but here's the difference, I never mentioned that one was more beautiful then the other. I just complained that they weren't alike. In a way, you could say that I was in fact 'complimenting' the both of them, after all most women don't like to be thought of as 'clones'." He grinned at Soul, as if reveling the truth of a great master plan that had been in progress for years.

Soul starred at him dubiously, his glance going from Kid's smirk to his hands, still sorting the shelves in order to, he could _only_ guess, make them more symmetrically 'pleasing'. "Right, sure, and Maka's father is suddenly going Chaste. You're talking out your ass Kid, you just wanted Liz and Patty to be twins."

The shinigami shrugged. "They're both fine as they are, I realize that now. Though that wasn't the case before..." He left it at that and continued his mission of sorting the bookshelf.

Soul noted that Kid seemed to have changed a bit since he was rescued from Noah. No one really talked about that time anymore, but it seemed to have an affect on the young Death God at the very least.

Said Death God resumed the topic. "Nevertheless, the point is you're doing it wrong. If you truly care for Maka in the way that _everyone_," Kid gave the white haired boy another 'look' at that point. "And I do mean everyone, knows you do, you need to find a better way of showing it to her."

Soul scoffed and turned away. "She should know by now that I'm only teasing."

Kid placed another book neatly and precisely onto the shelf. "And have you shown her any reason that you should believe otherwise?

"How about all the times I go out of weapon mode in order to shield her with my own body?"

Kid nodded and conceded the point, turning back to the bookshelf. "That's true, but in my experience female humans tend to need a 'bit' more confirmation then simply saving their lives. Even multiple times. What you've done proves that you care about her in some way, she just doesn't know the full extent yet."

The Death Scythe huffed and looked back to Kid's bookshelf sorting. "Where the hell do you get all this information from anyway?"

Kid blinked at him, another brow arching (Opposite of the first brow so as to bring his symmetry back in order) "Soul, I live with two adolescent females in my home."

"So do I, Maka's a girl too."

Kid shrugged. "Okay, then I live with two adolescent females, one of which is in the habit of leaving all of her magazines on top of our coffee table at home."

Soul paused, processing this information. "Wait, you actually read that stuff?"

The shinigami nodded. "It's quite insightful, and very helpful when dealing with the sisters during their more 'difficult' times. Though I wouldn't recommend believing everything you read in those things, as a good amount of women tend to stray away from the 'fashion' way of thinking. Still, it is a handy tool for understanding the human female mindset."

Soul shook his head. "You're insane Kid." He glanced back to the bookshelf the OCD boy was sorting. "You done with that yet?"

Kid lifted up a particularly thick and short looking volume. "No I am not. I need a book that matches this one in height and width."

The white haired boy chuckled, thinking that it was nice having Kid back, neurotic and all. He also wondered if perhaps he should take Kid's advice and grab one of those 'girly magazines' in the Library while he was there. For research.

His inner contemplation was interrupted as the younger Thomson came up to him and her Meister, hands hiding her mouth and stifling the giggles she was uttering.

"What is it Patty?"

It took a moment for the blonde to contain herself enough to speak. "M-Maka's dad's with the Librarian doing naugh-ty things~" After stating this she promptly covered her mouth again, in order to stifle the guffaws that were begging to burst out of her.

Both Soul and Kid blinked in confusion, before Soul griped in annoyance and Kid remarked casually at the same time.

"Isn't he done whoring himself out with his uncool cheating yet?"

"Isn't the librarian a man?"

They paused again, while Patty had to hold her hands over her mouth even more firmly as her laughter became even harder to contain. She nodded, confirming Kid's statement.

Soul felt a little green, and baffled, so he decided that it was time to leave the library (after a bit of reconciliation with his partner first) "I'm going to go find Maka now...I think it's time we left."

Kid chuckled in amusement and nodded. "I'm going with you, Liz is with her after all. Come Patty."

Patty giggled and danced beside her Tech. "Patty's gonna go and tell One-chan and Maka-chan that Maka-chan's Papa got down with a DUDE!"

"Patty, did he look drunk while he was with the Librarian?"

The blonde girl nodded vigorously, obviously gleeful with the situation. "Yep! Those woman with Maka's Papa got him so drunk he didn't even _know _it was a guy he was groping!"

Soul still felt a big green, but even he couldn't help but chuckle at the prospect. "I think Maka might appreciate that poetic justice." He wondered if that would be a good way to start off his apology to the girl...

The three of them laughed and went off to find a place with a few less randy occupants.

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A couple hours later, Death the Kid returned to the bookshelf he had been 'sorting' during his conversation with Soul, a book in his hand, matching the one that hadn't had a partner before. He promptly placed the book in it's designated spot and smiled.

"Ah, neat and tidy." His work done, the Shinigami left the library to return to his friends.

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**I just want to say, I'm sorry Spirit. Though, you have to admit that that librarian is fabulous~ in the anime. **

**If I were Black*Star and I just noticed that three of my friends were getting it on, I'd break into my best friend's room and shout it to their face too. Mmmyep.**

**Not really. Maybe. Well, I guess I would...just no breaking in though.**

**Liz reads Cosmo. Totally. Or SE's version of Cosmo. Indeedy. And Kid takes notes. :P**

**Troika needz more love. And Soul needs to get a hint. **

**Review for your Aunty 'Cune~**


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